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FEST: Article 631: Diary Entry of Dr. Harry J. Potter (R)

This is the second fest entry today. Do enjoy! ♥

Title: Article 631: Diary Entry of Dr. Harry J. Potter
Author: sausaged
Prompt: # 163
Summary: There might be a little more to his lover than Harry had bargained for...
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Draco/Harry
Warning(s): AU
Word Count: 2340
Author's Notes: Hello! Thank you for taking time to read this fiction. :) For fyernaice, I hope it’s up to your expectations. ;_; There was a lot and a lot of things I wanted to put into this fic, but halfway everything got thrown into the wind. Please forgive me! And special thanks to vaysh. ♥ You really saved my life! Any mistakes spotted are all my own and no one else. :X It’s my first time participating in the DTH fest and actually finishing a D/H fic. Honestly, I’m sort of nervous. I hope you will enjoy it!


Article 631: Diary Entry of Dr. Harry J. Potter

Hi -
my name is Harry Potter and I am twenty three years old.

And if you're reading this... it probably means that I'm no longer in this world.

Um, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm dead or anything. I think I might actually be on a different planet or maybe even a completely different galaxy at this point.

But before I start, this isn't really a will or anything... I just want some people to remember me, I guess. But it's pretty likely that no one will really notice that I'm gone and even less likely to go through enough of my stuff to find this... By the way, I'm not supporting world domination or anything – just letting you know.

Well.

I grew up in an orphanage and I live alone.

I'm a little socially awkward and I don't have many friends. My hobbies are alien hunting, alien tracking, studying aliens and dabbling in Scientology studying the prolonged effects of radiation on aliens. I don't have any siblings and my parents left me filthy rich plus a little weirded out when they sort of vaporized before my eyes when I was a tiny baby. I think because of this psychological trauma lodged in my past, I am also potentially, perhaps, maybe a little obsessed with aliens.

Now, throughout my years as a blooming bachelor and a brilliant alientologist, I've never actually met an alien – met as in handshake and show them around Earth type of met. You are probably wondering why I'm even writing this when I haven't ever met an alien in my life... But I think you'll understand when you reach the end of this article.

The shocking truth is: I think I've met one.

Wait! Before you even close this document, please hear me out. I promise it’ll be worthwhile.

Now just in case he might not be an alien, his identity must be protected. So I will just call him Draco, some sort of constellation somewhere in this galaxy of exploded debris and lingering energy. He told me this once before, since he was more into astronomy than I was, but never mind that.

Draco and I met when I first enrolled in the orphanage. Now that I think about it, even then he was a little different than others – his pale complexion and his aura just seemed out of this world. His personality bordered along eccentricity and maybe because of that, he and I got along pretty well; not the mention that he found my fascination with aliens absolutely intriguing. Draco was also kind, gentle, caring, humorous, intelligent, snarky, handsome, brilliant, fantastic, dreamy... Oh, I can barely describe him in words. He most definitely didn't feel like he was one of us... if you know what I mean. He was... exotic.

In advance, this wasn't a simple school boy crush. It might've been a more complex one, now that I entertain this thought a little more...

Anyway, according to James Potter's Incomplete Guide to Alien Identification, any sort of lasting mystic feelings after the first meeting are usually quite spot on that you've encountered someone, or something that is out of this world (Potter, 342).

There were some other things that sort of flagged him as an alien that I've only recently noticed after I had gone back through years of notes and studies. I will begin by listing and going through these points in details.


1. He had an unhealthy infatuation with any shade of green.

I began to notice his unhealthy infatuation with green fairly early into my relationship with Draco. When I used to sleep over in his dormitory room, we often cuddled under a fluffy green duvet with green pillows and stared at the dark green walls that were decorated with glow-in-the-dark stickers that illuminated green once the lights were off. His favourite toy back then was a mid-sized, green stuffed Tyrannosaurus Rex doll that he had been given by his parents. This fact is also thoroughly examined on page 257 of James Potter's Incomplete Guide to Alien Identification, stating that aliens who are travelling abroad often will connect with the colours that remind them of their home.

I had asked him once why he likes green so much but, at that time, I couldn't quite grasp his reasoning for something so simple like a colour. He had told me that the depth and the vastness of green sort of kept him calm, and the really dark shades reminded him of the skies back home especially when he was falling through them. Honestly, I think he was just giving me a philosophical reason so I wouldn't go thinking that green is the only colour you can see when travelling at light speed – which is still the reason why I think he likes green.


2. Everyone else seemed to think he smelled funny.

He had told me before that his clothes were specifically designed to keep those he didn't want away from him – I had never noticed that I was the only one willing to be around him at all. While everyone thought he smelled like wet dog, he smelled like fresh orange short bread cookies to me.

Although this theory is sort of baseless because I cannot attain the sense of another human being, I can make similar connections in animals: like how a female human may excrete pheromones to attract potential mates.

To be very honest, anyone who looks that gorgeous absolutely cannot smell like wet dogs, right?


3. He had troubles pronouncing certain words.

And no offence to anyone who's got an accent out there, since that's not exactly what I meant. I only state words because I can't make him sit down and read every word in the Oxford Dictionary to me so I can't be too sure if it's only one word he is pronouncing funny. And that one word I often hear him say differently is "four."

Draco is unable to say the number "four" but can say "for" just fine.

Now at this point, I can imagine some of you really think I'm crazy because these words sound completely the same. But whenever Draco tried to say "four", he would always end up saying "floor."

Please, think about it. I have no reasons to lie to you, do I? I am probably not even here anymore when you are reading this!

Oh, you're probably wondering when I noticed this. Well, when he first asked me out, I guess. I had wanted to meet at four o'clock, but he stubbornly refused to meet at four o'clock and he really did try hard to dissuade me. Of course, I guess it didn't help that every time he said floor o'clock, I would correct him and he would be a little green on the tips of his ear. It's sort of endearing and maybe a little worrisome because I don't think anyone should be green with embarrassment right?


4. His solution for many problems and issues was to destroy the Earth or conquer the planet and become the Supreme Ruler.

Because I am not the most handsome heart breaker nor the most athletic guy around the orphanage, I never stood out in my age group. So up until I met Draco, I was basically left to my own devices until someone invited me for a swim in the toilet or maybe a roll in the mud. Gosh, I never thought it was a lot of fun to do either of those things and it happened more frequent than I would have liked, but my year mates seem to really enjoy it, so I never really minded. They also said that my obsession with aliens was "retarded" and "fucking weird," but I really think they were just jealous because they all wanted to be brilliant alientologists, too.

When Draco first entered this equation, I did feel sort of lonely. No one wanted to swim with me in the toilets anymore nor would they roll with me in the mud. And alas, I was a little scornful toward Draco at that point, because it seemed like he was taking everyone's attention away from me. But as everyone started to think he smelled funny, he slowly spent more and more time with me instead.

He said this to me once: how he will conquer this world and turn those miserable ants into ash. And by miserable ants, I'm pretty sure he meant my sometimes-friends who played with me from time to time.

Frankly, when he said that, I found that I didn't really care if they turned into ash. But I was a little concerned about conquering the world, because things like the Geneva Conventions were in place to prevent something like that from happening... I really didn't want him to become a criminal on international levels.

Not to mention, these threats usually just spewed out of him whenever something didn't go his way. So I've learned to ignore them most of the time.


5. He had peculiar sexual practices.

Well I can tell you he kisses like an octopus. Not that I've ever kissed one before, but every time he bends down to kiss me, it seems like a million tongues are all over my face. And every time after a kiss, the skin on my face tends to be a lot softer than before. It is an... interesting sort of experience.

I can still recall the feel of some probes that outlined the shape of my penis. It was then a funny thought occurred to me. I had asked Draco: "Wouldn't it be funny if an image of my penis was projected onto the skies of some unknown planet for billions of people to worship because you are a prince of some place?" And Draco, all serious and no probes protruding from anywhere, stared at me with the most intense and serious eyes I had ever seen him with and he asked me, "Would it?"

And then he would thrust real deep into me and gurgle in my ear. Okay, I'm sure it sounds a gross when I'm saying it, but it was a sort of gentle gurgle like he was soothing me or something. Regardless, it was incomprehensible to me and therefore I concluded it was very likely his mother tongue. It was weird the first time, but I've long got used to his gurgling. Although when I try to gurgle back sometimes, he will make choking and snorting noises. And when you're balls deep in someone, you really shouldn't be making such noises at all. So I've stopped gurgling at him, even though he tried to tell me otherwise.

Oh, and some other times, he would feed me a bunch of green fruits before sprinkling me with some fresh dirt and then drilling me into a bed of flowers, saying that is how they celebrate test-tube babies and fertility where he came from because someone in his home country asked for his blessing on an upcoming pregnancy.

Under mating rituals in James Potter's Incomplete Guide to Alien Identification, there is a case that is similar to what I am describing. And it goes into details about how these test-tube babies are buried in fertile soil by a river bank, and the father must come everyday to feel the ground with his antennae to send love and warmth to his baby. When I mentioned this to Draco, his eyes sort of misted over and his ears went slightly green. And by the way he talks about his father, Draco must really miss him a lot. I wonder why he's in an orphanage like me...

Perhaps these points and reasoning seem less than significant to you. But because of my knowledge about these facts, I have a feeling my life and/or existence is now being compromised. Well, the red flag sort of came up when we were at the movies last night and he was absolutely dead tired of people cutting into the line. He basically told me that I've got to go back with him (go where?!) or he will destroy this world and all its miserable ants. Then he said that he while he didn't regret coming to find me, he could've made his life a lot easier if he had just beamed me up.

So, um... I'm not too sure what to make of this. But I am a little embarrassed and maybe a little happy about that.

And just a secret between you and me: at some point, I was ridiculously tempted to test some of his fecal matter to add to my mounting collection of evidence against my lover. But even I, Harry Potter, alientologist extraordinaire, found that uncomfortably gross and weird even for the name of science. So, I let that idea drop out of my head as quickly as it had entered my system.

By the way, it's rainbow coloured, just in case you ever come across anything like it.

I have a date with Draco tonight, and he said he will take me somewhere out of this world. If I manage to make it back, I'll update the web page. If not... well, maybe you can forward this web page to a scientist or two at HASA. Maybe they won't think I'm as crazy as you might think I am. They might even publish this stuff that most people think is shite stunning and reinforcing evidence that covered certain aspects of alien identification.

Meanwhile, please check out Professor James Potter's Incomplete Guide to Alien Identification. That guy is absolutely incredible – not to mention he has the same name as my dad. Cool, right?

As to why I'm writing this? Well, I'm pretty sure you understand by now. But if not, I am affirming points that were listed in James Potter's guide and making sure that this information is accessible for all future generations to come.

This article by no means marks all aliens as friendly as Draco. But please do not judge them so quickly. Even when they are here for world domination, they can really be quite sweet.

Harry J. Potter, Ph.D.
July 29, 2012


Confidentiality Notice:
This article contains information confidential and proprietary to Hogwarts’ Alien Studies Association. This information may not be directly or indirectly used, disclosed, redistributed or reproduced without the prior written authorization issued by the HASA. Those who are authorized may only use this information for the purpose of evaluation and studies.

Tags: [admin] fest-2013, author: sausaged, fic length: short, genre: humour, rating: r, type: fic
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